In the 1995 cult-classic film, Before Sunrise, the main character Celine says: “You know, I have this awful paranoid thought that feminism was mostly invented by men so that they could, like, fool around a little more. You know, women, free your minds, free your bodies, sleep with me.” Although I am strongly opposed to applying this statement to the whole of feminism, I think it can be applied to the mainstream feminism of the last few years, and especially its outlook on what female sexual liberation would entail.
In order to avoid pointlessly throwing around buzz words, I would like to clarify what I mean when I allude to ‘hookup culture’. Through this rather elusive term I will be referring to the current shape which the male-female relationships assume, especially in the sexual sphere. I am purposefully remaining vague as it alludes to many things such as dating apps, pornography, culture of ‘casual’ sex, ‘casual’ dating, the epidemic of ‘situationships’, etc. I hope that by mentioning the above concepts I am giving you a better idea of the scope of this essay (one which I concur may be difficult to understand for people outside of my generation, or ones which are not chronically online).
I will start out with a big statement that many may radically disagree with – over-casualisation of physical, and naturally proceeding emotional, intimacy is highly inflammatory, and quite frankly, serves nobody. What’s even worse is that it often gets repackaged as something that serves women and their sexual liberation.
I am not here to deny the existence of casual sex. Of course some hookups are entirely casual, although in the long run, it turns out to be rarely mutually agreed on. What I truly oppose is the view that sex is inherently casual. That prolonged periods of physical intimacy can be approached in the same way as one night stands. As though the former does not naturally foster emotional intimacy. Most of all, I oppose the view that casual sex and hookup culture serve women and their liberation.
In the pilot episode of Sex and the City, upon being displeased with the casual hookup culture, and how men treat women, Carrie Bradshaw asks: “is it possible for women to have sex like men?”. Although she phrases her issues in different words, they appeal to the same hookup culture that I speak of. And for some reason, her solution is to say: “women can also do this!”, and if we are allowed to participate in such an unhealthy mechanism, it somehow makes it… better?
Women are inherently at a bigger disadvantage while choosing to participate in hookup culture. When women go on dating app dates or go home with a stranger, there is a national safety alarm raised in the friendgroup. Everyone is on call like a 112 dispatcher. Excuses for her having to quickly leave the scene are ready and rehearsed like a Shakespearean play. Her location is monitored closely, with the scruple of a war strategist. The friend is vigilant, careful, and calculated. Most women have to simply make do with the realisation of: “if he wanted to he could hurt me and I would not be able to escape if he pinned me down” and just… live with it.
Don’t get me wrong, sexual assault and wobbly boundaries of consent are issues which men face more than we talk about, but the aspect of physical danger is simply diminished, if entirely absent. A woman must always consider, does physical danger await me if I say no? Is it worth it to say no?
Even if both sides do their absolute best to communicate and ensure consent, how reliable is this communication? For example, anything done during intercourse which is somewhat ‘unexpected’ or ‘outside of the norm’ should be communicated before and not during the act. The latter exercises far too much pressure to ‘not ruin the mood’ and is usually given by-the-way and does not stem from genuine consideration of one’s boundaries. If the two sides are people who are completely put off by a level of intimacy which is required to discuss sexual preferences, how can this conversation take place fairly?
I am not here to carry out a campaign against casual sex as a whole, but rather, to poke holes in the logic that represents the modern hookup culture as a manifestation of sexual liberation. Even though women are more at a disadvantage within these structures, truthfully, nobody here is ultimately winning. We’re just stunting connection and commodifying bodies – mostly female ones.
This brings me to my next point, sex work, pornography, and platforms like Only Fans — the biggest Trojan horse of supposed female liberation. I vividly remember that in the second season of Euphoria, one of the main characters, Kat played by Barbie Ferreira, becomes an online sex worker and that is somehow portrayed as… liberating?
Having seen this line of work commonly romanticised on social media and within pop-culture as a whole, I would like to speak about its reality.
Many argue that men sexualise women all the time, therefore, women might as well benefit from it. While the former is true, the latter feels counter intuitive at best. Instead of trying to actively work against the objectification and non-consensual sexualisation of women, it normalises it, and what’s worse, leans into it.
Although Only Fans creators are mostly known as a narrow group of millionaires that live extravagant and exciting lives, the truth is that an average Only Fans creator makes only 180 dollars per month. Even financially, although that is not the measure of benefit we should adopt, women don’t benefit from it that much. Female bodies becoming easily accessible commodities, tailored and ready to consume for male viewers, sounds not only like a capitalist nightmare, but also, the ultimate manifestation of the patriarchy, which is rather in conflict with any branch of feminism
Many argue that despite it being an unfortunate phenomenon, platforms like Only Fans or even Pornhub must remain legal and widely available, because that keeps them ‘safe’ and ‘under control’. While delegalisation of very few things actually gets rid of them, it is clear that moderation of these platforms is blatantly failing.
Examples of that can be seen through the heaps of non-consensual porn, such as revenge porn, being published on the website. In 2023, a UK reality tv star, Steven Bear, was sentenced to prison for publishing revenge porn of his ex-girlfriend who was not aware of being recorded.
Although in this case the perpetrator was eventually brought to justice, it reveals a deeper issue within such platforms. Namely that it is impossible to ensure that videos that are being uploaded are made consensually. Some of the media coverage of these cases does the opposite of working against the trivialisation of the porn industry as Bear’s case, and similar other ones, are listed as “Wild Only Fans Scandals”. Such phrasing makes the issue at hand sound like a pop-cultural mishap, rather than what it actually is, a crime.
Reuters adressed this fake facade of the platform, “OnlyFans and its supporters portray the platform as a safe and empowering outlet for lucrative, socially acceptable sex work,” and yet, police complaints from more than 250 largest U.S, law enforcement agencies showcase numbers of cases of child abuse, pedophilia, non-conseunsual acts available on the platform.
Only Fans just like all other forms of sex work, function as a veil for human trafficking. One of the most shocking examples occurred in 2023, when a 16 year old girl in Florida went missing. She was later found in an apartment with her abductor who posted numerous videos of her on the platform – and this is not an isolated example. Between December 2019 and June 2024, there were over 200 videos and pictures cited in the U.S. police and court reports which included explicit videos and images of children.
CEO of the platform, Keily Blair claimed: “We know the age and identity of everyone on our platform, no children allowed, nobody under 18 on the platform.” This means that those overseeing the platform are either blatantly aware of these abuses, but choose to deny it nonetheless, or that they are completely unaware of the reality – I’m not sure which is worse.
Only Fans is not the only site which fails to monitor content, another widely known website, Pornhub, is known for the same scandals. The United States Attorney’s Office website exhibits a ruling from 2023, when Pornhub’s parent company admitted to receiving proceeds from human trafficking. In 2020, Traffickinghub movement exposed millions of unverified videos of minors and other non-consensual acts. The website had to get rid of almost 80% of its videos — these cases are therefore far from a minority. Despite this, Pornhub remains operational, its executives free, and the legal framework insufficient to prevent similar platforms from emerging.
Even when it comes to adult creators, many of them stylise themselves, and their content, to look like children. Looking at the creators’ instagrams you can see many pictures of them in school uniforms, pigtails, with exaggerated blush and inflated cheeks which evoke the imagery of minors. In order to remain within the legal bounds, many videos are titled something like: young students, freshly 18, etc., providing a cover for pedophilia. Sex workers do not gain authority over the ways in which they are sexualised, but on the contrary, they must subscribe to male fantasies, no matter how disturbing, in order to appeal to their audience and earn profits.
Many put the argument of a freedom of choice forward, arguing for so-called “choice feminism”. According to such an outlook, any choice that a woman might make is inherently feminist because the sheer fact that she has a freedom of choice is a manifestation of feminism. Realistically, there is a huge difference between a choice made by a woman, and a feminist choice.
Another issue is that choice feminism places a ridiculous amount of pressure on women to be perfect feminists in all that they do, all their actions must actively contribute to the struggle while men get away with being praised for simply not making women uncomfortable.
Regardless, this is incredibly flawed logic and does not account for numerous external pressures and impossible choices that women are placed in front of. Many argue that with the delegalistation of sex work, many women would be left with no other choice or alternative. To that I answer, if a choice presents a dead-end road from which there is no return, that is not a choice. A choice suggests an alternative and a sense of agency in picking that road, if there is none, this presents how sex work enslaves women.
Although there are many creators who I would criticise for things such as infantalising themselves, blatant misogyny, or encouraging young women to partake in this profession without being transparent regarding its dangers, I would never criticise those that choose to post on the platform out of necessity – whatever this may entail. What I will criticise is the patriarchal structure that gives birth to the former creators and leaves the latter with little to no alternative. Rather than being busy arguing whether women should hate sex workers or not, we should realise the real issue at hand, and how at the end of the day, it benefits nobody.
Although the emergence of pornography dates back to the emergence of visual arts, the same does not apply to addiction to pornography, which stems from how easily and widely available, and not monitored, it is. It is hard to be surprised by a rise in misogyny and violent crimes against women when many young boys consume porn in this form, often before experiencing physical intimacy themselves.
We are far from a reality in which that porn can serve as a form of sexual education, I think we may all agree that there is not a more unrealistic and inflammatory representation of sex. The effects of casual porn consumption are clearly impacting human relationships, I mean if men are used to viewing women and their bodies as something they can use at their convenience and then get rid of with a click of a button, that doesn’t seem to be a healthy example of physical intimacy.
One thing is the not-so-glittery reality of the industry, another that it was somehow sold and presented as a liberating alternative to more common forms of employment, and a source of sexual liberation for women. It feels like we’ve been tricked into believing that doing exactly what many men have wanted all along will serve the feminist struggle.
I would like to appeal to all those who choose to consume pornography from these sites, this is the platform you’re supporting. There is no ethical consumption of pornography within such a system.
