In the 1995 cult-classic film Before Sunrise, the main character Celine says: “You know, I have this awful paranoid thought that feminism was mostly invented by men so that they could, like, fool around a little more. You know, women, free your minds, free your bodies, sleep with me”. Although I am strongly opposed to applying this statement to the whole of feminism, I think it can be applied to the mainstream feminism of the last few years, and especially its outlook on what female sexual liberation would entail.
In order to avoid pointlessly throwing around buzzwords, I would like to clarify what I mean when I allude to “hookup culture”. Through this rather elusive term I will be referring to the current shape which male-female relationships assume, especially in the sexual sphere. I am purposefully remaining vague as it alludes to many things such as: dating apps, pornography, the culture of casual sex, casual dating and the epidemic of ‘situationships”.
I will start out with a big statement that many may radically disagree with: the over-casualisation of physical, and naturally proceeding emotional intimacy is highly inflammatory and, quite frankly, serves nobody. What’s even worse is that it often gets repackaged as something that serves women and their sexual liberation.
I am not here to deny the existence of casual sex. Of course some hookups are entirely casual, although in the long run, it turns out to be rarely mutually agreed on. What I truly oppose is the view that sex is inherently casual. That prolonged periods of physical intimacy can be approached in the same way as one-night stands. As though the former does not naturally foster emotional intimacy. Most of all, I oppose the view that casual sex and hookup culture serve women and their liberation.
The Sex and the City dilemma
In the pilot episode of Sex and the City, upon being displeased with the casual hookup culture and how men treat women, Carrie Bradshaw asks: “Is it possible for women to have sex like men?”. Although she phrases her issues in different words, they appeal to the same hookup culture that I speak of. And for some reason, her solution is to say: “Women can also do this!”, and if we are allowed to participate in such an unhealthy mechanism, it somehow makes it… better?
Women are inherently at a bigger disadvantage while choosing to participate in hookup culture. When women go on dating app dates or go home with a stranger, there is a national safety alarm raised in the friend group. Everyone is on call like a 112 dispatcher. Excuses for her having to quickly leave the scene are ready and rehearsed like a Shakespearean play. Her location is monitored closely, with the scruple of a war strategist. Most women have to simply make do with the realisation of: “If he wanted to he could hurt me and I would not be able to escape if he pinned me down” and just… live with it.
Don’t get me wrong, sexual assault and wobbly boundaries of consent are issues which men face more than we talk about, but the aspect of physical danger is simply diminished, if entirely absent. A woman must always consider: does physical danger await me if I say no? Is it worth it to say no?
Even if both sides do their absolute best to communicate and ensure consent, how reliable is this communication? For example, anything done during intercourse which is somewhat “unexpected” or “outside of the norm” should be communicated before and not during the act. The latter exercises far too much pressure to “not ruin the mood” and is usually given by-the-way and does not stem from genuine consideration of one’s boundaries. If the two sides are people who are completely put off by a level of intimacy which is required to discuss sexual preferences, how can this conversation take place fairly?
I am not here to carry out a campaign against casual sex as a whole but, rather, to poke holes in the logic that represents modern hookup culture as a manifestation of sexual liberation. Even though women are more at a disadvantage within these structures, truthfully, nobody here is ultimately winning. We’re just stunting connection and commodifying bodies — mostly female ones.
The OnlyFans Trojan horse
This brings me to my next point: sex work, pornography and platforms like OnlyFans — the biggest Trojan horse of supposed female liberation. I vividly remember that in the second season of Euphoria, one of the main characters, Kat (played by Barbie Ferreira), becomes an online sex worker and that is somehow portrayed as… liberating? Having seen this line of work commonly romanticised on social media and within pop culture as a whole, I would like to speak about its reality.
Many argue that men sexualise women all the time, therefore, women might as well benefit from it. While the former is true, the latter feels counter-intuitive at best. Instead of trying to actively work against the objectification and non-consensual sexualisation of women, it normalises it, and what’s worse, leans into it.
Although OnlyFans creators are mostly known as a narrow group of millionaires that live extravagant and exciting lives, the truth is that an average OnlyFans creator makes only 180 dollars per month. Even financially, although that is not the measure of benefit we should adopt, women don’t benefit from it that much. Female bodies becoming easily accessible commodities, tailored and ready to consume for male viewers, sounds not only like a capitalist nightmare but also the ultimate manifestation of the patriarchy, which is rather in conflict with any branch of feminism.
Many argue that despite it being an unfortunate phenomenon, platforms like OnlyFans or even Pornhub must remain legal and widely available because that keeps them “safe” and “under control”. While delegalisation of very few things actually gets rid of them, it is clear that moderation of these platforms is blatantly failing.
Examples of this can be seen through the heaps of non-consensual porn, such as revenge porn, being published on the website. In 2023, a UK reality TV star, Stephen Bear, was sentenced to prison for publishing revenge porn of his ex-girlfriend who was not aware of being recorded. Although in this case the perpetrator was eventually brought to justice, it reveals a deeper issue within such platforms. Namely, it is impossible to ensure that videos that are being uploaded are made consensually. Some of the media coverage of these cases does the opposite of working against the trivialisation of the porn industry as Bear’s case, and similar others, are listed as “Wild OnlyFans Scandals”. Such phrasing makes the issue at hand sound like a pop-cultural mishap rather than what it actually is: a crime.
Reuters addressed this fake facade of the platform: “OnlyFans and its supporters portray the platform as a safe and empowering outlet for lucrative, socially acceptable sex work”, and yet, police complaints from more than 250 largest US law enforcement agencies showcase numbers of cases of child abuse, pedophilia and non-consensual acts available on the platform.
OnlyFans, just like all other forms of sex work, functions as a veil for human trafficking. One of the most shocking examples occurred in 2023, when a 16-year-old girl in Florida went missing. She was later found in an apartment with her abductor who posted numerous videos of her on the platform — and this is not an isolated example. Between December 2019 and June 2024, there were over 200 videos and pictures cited in US police and court reports which included explicit videos and images of children.
CEO of the platform Keily Blair claimed: “We know the age and identity of everyone on our platform, no children allowed, nobody under 18 on the platform”. This means that those overseeing the platform are either blatantly aware of these abuses but choose to deny them nonetheless, or that they are completely unaware of the reality — I’m not sure which is worse.
The problem with “choice feminism”
Many put the argument of a freedom of choice forward, arguing for so-called “choice feminism”. According to such an outlook, any choice that a woman might make is inherently feminist because the sheer fact that she has a freedom of choice is a manifestation of feminism. Realistically, there is a huge difference between a choice made by a woman and a feminist choice. Another issue is that choice feminism places a ridiculous amount of pressure on women to be perfect feminists in all that they do; all their actions must actively contribute to the struggle while men get away with being praised for simply not making women uncomfortable.
Regardless, this is incredibly flawed logic and does not account for numerous external pressures and impossible choices that women are placed in front of. Many argue that with the delegalisation of sex work, many women would be left with no other choice or alternative. To that I answer: if a choice presents a dead-end road from which there is no return, that is not a choice. A choice suggests an alternative and a sense of agency in picking that road; if there is none, this presents how sex work enslaves women.
Although the emergence of pornography dates back to the emergence of visual arts, the same does not apply to addiction to pornography, which stems from how easily and widely available, and unmonitored, it is. It is hard to be surprised by a rise in misogyny and violent crimes against women when many young boys consume porn in this form, often before experiencing physical intimacy themselves.
We are far from a reality in which that porn can serve as a form of sexual education; I think we may all agree that there is not a more unrealistic and inflammatory representation of sex. The effects of casual porn consumption are clearly impacting human relationships; I mean if men are used to viewing women and their bodies as something they can use at their convenience and then get rid of with a click of a button, that doesn’t seem to be a healthy example of physical intimacy.
One thing is the not-so-glittery reality of the industry, another that it was somehow sold and presented as a liberating alternative to more common forms of employment and a source of sexual liberation for women. It feels like we’ve been tricked into believing that doing exactly what many men have wanted all along will serve the feminist struggle. I would like to appeal to all those who choose to consume pornography from these sites: this is the platform you’re supporting. There is no ethical consumption of pornography within such a system.
